Pity Party Over

Pity Party

About time to crash the pity party and get on with reshaping a new identity. That’s what this whole exercise is all about –after all. I know in the very fiber of my being that the stomach stapling gastro lap band thing would just not suit me. It don’t re educate the way you eat – as far as I can tell from experiences others around me have had – is that it physically restricts you in eating the amounts you used to – but not WHAT goes in. The things you can eat would be stuff no healthy person should eat anyway – no greens, no fruit or fiberous stuff? Man – that’s just a highway to colon cancer. I think the thing that really did it for me in my decision not to do the lap band was the gleeful admissions by people who had it done that they could still eat chocolate and dessert.

Habits is what will reshape me and in my 4 months of being nearly ( on and off) raw, I have changed from getting a snack of a chocolate bar at the petrol station when I fill up or at the supermarket – and opting to wait till I get home – or finding some grapes, cherries or some sweet fruit to munch on instead. I ( and this shocked me) even don’t feel like eating sweet processed things and hunger for a piece of melon or an apple instead. I think that in itself is gold.

So Pity Party is over. I think (modestly of course) that I have far too much in store for me in this life to end it now. It would just be too boring. Being chased naked down the street at 107 after having an affair with someone 3 times my junior… now that’s more likely….. and a bit more fun to think about.

Is Lap banding the answer to obesity?

You’re very overweight, probably tried every diet and system there is available and had some success on some – nothing on others. Its come to a hard decision. Your health will be compromised if you stay the way you are.

Would a Lap Band – the purported miracle for obesity - really help in the long run?

In case you have lived under a rock for a few years - a lap band or stomach ring is designed to teach you to eat smaller portions, to eat more slowly and to thoroughly chew your food. Over time, you lose weight as your stomach shrinks and you take in less nutrients. You learn how to feel full on a cup of tea or half a biscuit. One of my concerns surrounds the digestive system. I have a friend who cannot eat any fresh fruit or vegetables as she cannot digest them – they won’t fit through the tight ring she has. What on earth is someones digestive system going to look like after a few weeks of no fibre? How would your overall health be with no fresh antioxidants or nutrients entering your system?

She needs to go back every few weeks to get more saline injected in order to keep the ring tight. No doubt – she has lost over 40 kg is the last year and looks amazing. I hate to admit I think I like my food too much to do this. She cannot eat a normal meal and has a lot of pureed foods on hand – like baby food. I wonder – truly – is this where I want to go or be in order to achieve a shape I am happy with? Perhaps hers is an extreme case – however this surgery is one that is for life.

I have spoken to another lass who lost a similar amount but over a longer period. She eats ‘normal’ food – but it seems from forum posts and speaking to people – that meat eating is out of the window if you get this done. This in itself is not such a huge hassle as I don’t eat a great deal to start with – but its all about choices isn’t it? The other lass I chatted to at length was very proud to say she was still able to eat all the sweet things she could – but fatty foods will make you ill the next day. She said that there are many days you just throw up ( and this is 2 years down the track) I wonder again – is this really retraining your eating habits or just instilling new bad ones?

Both of these ladies – as I listen to them are delighted with their surgery and the results – but there is the underlying hatred of their bodies – that they are being controlled by their bodies and are punished with diarrhea or vomiting if they do the wrong thing. One would argue that if this happens you learn and don’t do it again – but it seems – at least with these two – that you do not.

Having a look at some of the other delightful side effects from lapbanding:
• Hair loss
• Nails flake and break easily ( probably lack of nutrition)
• Unable to swallow even an aspirin – all pills must be crushed
• Constipation ( due to lack of water and fibre)
• Every text I have seen states that the lap band is there for life – its not meant to come out again
• Adjustments every 2 months at least – local anesthetic and needles
• Malabsorption of food ,
• Vomiting and nausea
• vitamin deficiencies,
• chronic abdominal pain
• Osteoporosis
• Ulsers
• gallstones

Having clicked on the links beside some of these I see that they suggest certain medications to counteract these side effects. It all looks so dodgy and dangerous… and they are for life... So by doing this – does this really ‘train you’. Is this really what you need to be doing for the rest of your life?

A little Nip and Tuck

A good friend of mine had the lap band operation a number of months ago. She has lost nearly 30kg and I have got to say – she looks amazing. She sheepishly came over the other day bearing gifts of her old ‘fat clothes’. She said she wasn’t going to give them to me but at the last moment brought them over – she didn’t want me to feel bad.

I nearly chocked laughing. First – wow – what a gift to be given a huge amount of her clothes – all really nice stuff and in MY SIZE!!! Whoo hoooo! and secondly – what sort of message is her fear? That she didn’t want to admit to me that I was fat? Umm I kinda know – I have a mirror.. that she is now better than me? Again – negative – she is doing her thing and I am so supportive and delighted for her.

I was so happy going through the large bag of clothes – I have never been much of a clothes horse myself – I hve always been a bigger person – and have always struggled to find anything that fits. Going to a charity store is the highlight for me – and I have become handy with creative alterations. This has given me fairly low range of colour and fashion choices – so I tend to hang out in black – which was good when I went through my gothic phase. Now I just look like an Italian widow.

I now own ( count them) 7 pairs of jeans.. wow – I have only ever had at most 2! She has a great style – very romantic and medieval – so that really suits my style too – I am loving the flowing tops with long droopy sleeve look.

Its all been about lack for me- I don’t spend money on myself or to buy clothes and worry and fret if I have to go and buy new underwear! I don’t tend to have many new clothes in my wardrobe and if I can admit this – I have some things in there that are 20 years old ( humm – might be back in fashion again!)

Anyway – getting back to my friend – She was very sensible about the whole operation and did a lot of research on it. She is aware that this is a life time commitment and he can never eat food again – not drink a lot of fluids at one time ( so out goes cocktail nights and drinking sessions) She is able to eat only mushed up foods – like baby food and only a very small amount of it.

I do actually long to lose weight – so that I too can walk proudly into any store and grab something off the rack, try it on and it fits! I don’t know if I would be prepared to go to this length though. I have to admit that I like eating, I love the taste, the feel and sensation of food. Though again – in saying that – I am sensible with my choices of food – no junk food, little processed stuff; all organic fruits and veges and good variety of proteins other than meat. I have to admit that it’s the quantity. Is this operation the one for me then? Would it really help me?

This girlfriend is planning to go to Thailand to get her bits nipped and tucked. With so much weight loss, she is complaining that all her bits are saggy. I started to look into websites and companies who offer this service – firstly out of curiosity then as a bit of a mission. The cost of some of these cosmetic surgeries is over half what it is in Australia – and that is with your accommodation as well! We aren’t talking shabby rooms either – 5 star resorts where you just hang out to recuperate and heal before you get on a plane back to home and work or family.

I haven’t had a specific quote for me done – but I am seriously thinking about it – I mean – just get the quote – at least I’d know then. To dream perhaps. To work a way to earn or generate that cash. Is it ok to get surgery done? I don’t even think I care if I have scars everywhere afterwards – how bad is that? What if I went and they said – sorry you are too fat to have surgery? How bad would that be?

Its been a big barrier for me – my weight – an insurmountable wall I cannot seem to break through, climb over or dissolve. Its one thing to say – I am fine with where I am, but another thing to think there is a glimmer of looking normal, of fitting in of being proud of my figure and of seeing the look on your partners eyes.

I am ‘fine’ with were I am at the moment – really – most days I don’t think about what might be or what I could be if I were skinnier. With every challenge I jump boots and all and don’t allow much to stand in my way. There are other days that I just hid in the house and plan to stay there forever – I am so disgusted with my appearance. It’s the momentary glimpses into the mirror that take me by surprise – the ones where you cannot believe that it is you staring back at you – ugly, fat and completely unnnatractive. It is these days that the credit card needs to be hidden and the brochures from Thailand be stored in a far away place.

Yeah – you are right.. I’m not ‘fine’.