Simple Luxuries

A little while ago a friend suggested I read and undergo the 12 week challenge of The Artists Way – a book for uncovering your creativity and unblocking all those nasty evil thoughts and beliefs that stop you stepping into your greatness.

Luxuries are one of those things that as a mum you just bypass thinking that you’ll get around to it later on – after you do the washing, cleaning, mothering, cooking etc etc. A luxury for a mum might be having a hot shower, by yourself, enjoying all the way down to the bottom of a hot cuppa, a long uninterrupted bath or a chatty telephone call with a friend which is not punctuated by screams and wails.

Reading the book made me realize how few luxuries I now afford myself and how guilty I feel if I partake in them. Added to this guilt if that luxury involves some sort of food or drink – it is doubled and its just so not worth it in the end. I would have been a fantastic Catholic – I have the guilt gene deeply inbuilt already.

An exercise we had to complete was to note down a luxurious day. I have many dream days I could indulge in – but here is my luxurious day which I can afford monetary to do – but don’t do – as I would have too much guilt attached to it.

Sleep in till 9 am knowing that the kids have been dressed and fed breakfast and are playing happily in the yard or in the playroom. Drink freshly ground coffee whilst reading the newspaper and munch on a bowl of fresh strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and cherries. ( the kids by now are being looked after somewhere I am safe and happy with.)

Off to the movies – gold class of course – sinking into the luscious seat sipping a cocktail and eating M and Ms.

Lunch and coffee with girlfriends

I would pick and choose between an afternoon wandering around the art gallery or museum punctuated by a Gloria Jeans coffee or getting a massage and then spending time in a spa – or snuggling up with a fiction book and reading the entire thing, munching on cookies and milo.. yum!

Luxuries start with small things. I have a beautiful set of china tea cups and saucers and love to make a cuppa in. They are delicate and sweet and so removed from my normal way of doing things. Time sort of stops when you sip tea out of them…( sort of like a television advert)

Looking back on this list – makes me think I aught to go and do some of these things on a regular basis. I do these things already:

Buy fresh flowers every week – it makes me feel very affluent

Buy good quality and organic foods – for health reasons and it makes me feel that I am appreciating both my body and those of my family.

only buy good quality chocolate - especailly at Easter time - not to allow crappy awful chocolate in the house.

Humm might go and make myself a cuppa now….

Thats me in the corner...

“That’s me in the corner,
That’s me in the spotlight,
I’m losing my religion”

- REM-

Its not so much my religion that I have lost - its me - all of me. I don't recognise the person I see in the mirror. In fact so disgusted by the image, I rush past them. If putting on makeup -I obviously have to look - but try not to allow my eyes to stray down further than my neck... and I certainly don't get naked in front of a mirror.

So, thats me. In the corner - here now with a blog - in the spotlight. So here it is my thoughts and fear - all logged and in black and white. share my journey as I just let flow and let go.

I don't remember ever being slim or normal looking - though looking back on photos I see a healthy looking child and teenager, with a pretty, sad face.

I have been on some sort of diet now for over 25 years. 25 years! Deprivation, guilt, self hatred, disgust, comparing myself to others, to models, to superstars. You name it - I have probably tried it. From calorie counting, weight watchers, meals that get delivered, prescribed drugs, starvation, raw food, pritikin, atkins, the cabbage soup diet and just before I got married - the 5 apples and 5 cups of black coffee a day diet for 3 months. ( it worked, until I ate at the wedding and over our honeymoon)

So its been a struggle, squeezing into stuff that doesn't fit or hiding in huge roomy tents. Going to the gym, getting personal trainers, joining dance classes and doing the whole going for a walk or a run. I hate exercise, I hate team sports and I especially loathe personal trainers with thier perfect white teeth and cheery disposition.

And its not like I have a bad diet. I should drink more water - I drink about a litre a day ( pure water) I eat only organic fruit and veges - and a good variety of them, I eat mainly organic meat maybe one serve a day. But I drink too much coffee ( only organic fresh stuff though - not gross instant) and I don't eat breakfast ( gross - nothing before about 11 thanks) and I have been known to scoff an entire block of chocolate whilst writing and then wonder where it went; blaming my kids for stealing it.

anyway this is me - right here, right now.. I am going to blog at least once a week on how I am going on my journey to self acceptance, loving who I am as I am as I really don't think I am ever going to be that thin girl.....