Cosmetic Surgery - the answer to obesity

Ok – so some serious thoughts and research ahs been going on in my head for the last 6 months or so. I started this blog because I thought I had at last come to peace with the way I looked. I really want to believe that you can be beautiful and sensual no matter what size you are – but I just can’t. In the last six months I have become more sheltered, less gregarious, unwilling to accept any invitations to go out and its getting worse – My own mother in laws wedding – and all I wanted to do was to hide in the hotel room and cry ( which I actually did for part of the time) Its crap and Its got to stop.

I have seriously looked at some of the exotic beauty getaway packages that are springing up all over the place. Its a huge business – over 1000% growth last year alone. Check out Restored Beauty Getaways I met with their representative here in my home town today and was very impressed. Having worked in the recruitment business in medical for a while I would be hesitant to trust most doctors trained in this country – much less those from overseas. I doubt anyone in this country asks for accreditation or looks into the hospital rooms or after care if they go in for surgery. So impressed with the presentation of the rooms etc.. oh and there were lots of machines that went beep – and people walking around with white coats and clipboards looking concerned as well as the ubiquitous person peering into a test tube and swirling it round.. gotta love advertising – however seeing past that – I saw a highly professional team, top notch hospital and very experienced doctors.

Ultimatly, my outcome is confidence. I need something dramatic and this looks like the golden ticket.. I know that I won’t walk out looking like Victoria Beckenham and there are risks involved – but as I said before – the risk of staying the size I am is far greater to my mind than going ahead. Not only health wise – but emotionally and psychologically. I feel myself slipping further into a black hole. I am angry and revolting to be around and feel sorry for my sweet children and patient hubby who look at me with bewildered eyes wondering who this monster is. I just want to get off but can’t find the button to stop.

I feel I am on the brink of a huge step for me and need to just tip over and do it…

Is Surgery the answer to Obesity?

On the other hand of extreme options is surgery. I understand there is a high risk involved – especially for someone who is overweight – to go under the knife. I’ve watched videos of the liposuction and its pretty gross. I can only imagine the pain and bruising once the anesthetic wear off.

Cutting something out or reshaping the form may not be the answer either – but let me tell you – the confidence that I would have if I wasn’t constantly hiding from cameras, holing up in the house because I don’t want to go out or for people to see me – would surely be worth it. As far as scars go – and from all research – the surgeons do a pretty good job now – I would not care one bit – its not like I wear a bikini now nor so I let anyone see my naked body readily. Besides – what cool stories could I make up as reasons for them?

At this point all I can see are the pluses for surgery. To be a size 18 would be an incredible dream for me. Being able to wear semi normal clothes – go into normal shops, go on rides at funparks with my kids, go hot air ballooning, getting into a seat in the airplane. There are things I cannot do physically right now – including stretches for my movement classes – boobs and guts get in the way – and its not my lack of stretch that stops me going any further. Putting on back packs and straps to go bushwalking is a hassle, riding my bicycle is a hassle with my tummy getting in the way. I know that I am getting narrow vision here – but all I can see is the gut gone and I can have a crack at looking normal again.

What does one do? I don’t even have the gumption to bring this up with my partner, fearing ridicule and persecution.

I know a lot (most – well all) my problems about weight are in my head. I can’t bear to look at the mirror and hate seeing photos of myself. I thank the inventor of the digital camera as I can delete all photos of me with a “oops” sorry pressed the wrong button…… I understand that most people have the same fear – that they are not good enough.. for whatever they believe they aught to be good enough for. All I can think is that if only I didn’t have this huge stomach bulging out and knocking everything over when I walk past anything, then I would have more confidence in doing things. I know I have lost confidence majorly in the last few years as the weight has crept on. I no longer want to be part of volunteer groups as it would mean I would have to deal with the public and I shy away from anything I have to present or be in front of people at. Its not I am afraid of public speaking – I just don’t want people to look at me.

I can’t even expect anyone to understand how I feel about this or how desperate this has all become. Perhaps it is optimistic in me thinking that if only, if only I did do the surgery, then things would be different. I know there is no way I would ever go back to being the size I am now if given a clean slate.

The 'side effects' of remaining Morbidly Obese are far far FAR worse than choosing either lap band or surgery. I have always been one who jumps in feet first – dramatic with everything.. I just wish I could talk sensibly about my decision process with someone who actually understood – not a skinny mini who has no idea…( sisters, family….)

The torment is excruitiating.