Ok – so some serious thoughts and research ahs been going on in my head for the last 6 months or so. I started this blog because I thought I had at last come to peace with the way I looked. I really want to believe that you can be beautiful and sensual no matter what size you are – but I just can’t. In the last six months I have become more sheltered, less gregarious, unwilling to accept any invitations to go out and its getting worse – My own mother in laws wedding – and all I wanted to do was to hide in the hotel room and cry ( which I actually did for part of the time) Its crap and Its got to stop.
I have seriously looked at some of the exotic beauty getaway packages that are springing up all over the place. Its a huge business – over 1000% growth last year alone. Check out Restored Beauty Getaways I met with their representative here in my home town today and was very impressed. Having worked in the recruitment business in medical for a while I would be hesitant to trust most doctors trained in this country – much less those from overseas. I doubt anyone in this country asks for accreditation or looks into the hospital rooms or after care if they go in for surgery. So impressed with the presentation of the rooms etc.. oh and there were lots of machines that went beep – and people walking around with white coats and clipboards looking concerned as well as the ubiquitous person peering into a test tube and swirling it round.. gotta love advertising – however seeing past that – I saw a highly professional team, top notch hospital and very experienced doctors.
Ultimatly, my outcome is confidence. I need something dramatic and this looks like the golden ticket.. I know that I won’t walk out looking like Victoria Beckenham and there are risks involved – but as I said before – the risk of staying the size I am is far greater to my mind than going ahead. Not only health wise – but emotionally and psychologically. I feel myself slipping further into a black hole. I am angry and revolting to be around and feel sorry for my sweet children and patient hubby who look at me with bewildered eyes wondering who this monster is. I just want to get off but can’t find the button to stop.
I feel I am on the brink of a huge step for me and need to just tip over and do it…
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