Is Surgery the answer to Obesity?

On the other hand of extreme options is surgery. I understand there is a high risk involved – especially for someone who is overweight – to go under the knife. I’ve watched videos of the liposuction and its pretty gross. I can only imagine the pain and bruising once the anesthetic wear off.

Cutting something out or reshaping the form may not be the answer either – but let me tell you – the confidence that I would have if I wasn’t constantly hiding from cameras, holing up in the house because I don’t want to go out or for people to see me – would surely be worth it. As far as scars go – and from all research – the surgeons do a pretty good job now – I would not care one bit – its not like I wear a bikini now nor so I let anyone see my naked body readily. Besides – what cool stories could I make up as reasons for them?

At this point all I can see are the pluses for surgery. To be a size 18 would be an incredible dream for me. Being able to wear semi normal clothes – go into normal shops, go on rides at funparks with my kids, go hot air ballooning, getting into a seat in the airplane. There are things I cannot do physically right now – including stretches for my movement classes – boobs and guts get in the way – and its not my lack of stretch that stops me going any further. Putting on back packs and straps to go bushwalking is a hassle, riding my bicycle is a hassle with my tummy getting in the way. I know that I am getting narrow vision here – but all I can see is the gut gone and I can have a crack at looking normal again.

What does one do? I don’t even have the gumption to bring this up with my partner, fearing ridicule and persecution.

I know a lot (most – well all) my problems about weight are in my head. I can’t bear to look at the mirror and hate seeing photos of myself. I thank the inventor of the digital camera as I can delete all photos of me with a “oops” sorry pressed the wrong button…… I understand that most people have the same fear – that they are not good enough.. for whatever they believe they aught to be good enough for. All I can think is that if only I didn’t have this huge stomach bulging out and knocking everything over when I walk past anything, then I would have more confidence in doing things. I know I have lost confidence majorly in the last few years as the weight has crept on. I no longer want to be part of volunteer groups as it would mean I would have to deal with the public and I shy away from anything I have to present or be in front of people at. Its not I am afraid of public speaking – I just don’t want people to look at me.

I can’t even expect anyone to understand how I feel about this or how desperate this has all become. Perhaps it is optimistic in me thinking that if only, if only I did do the surgery, then things would be different. I know there is no way I would ever go back to being the size I am now if given a clean slate.

The 'side effects' of remaining Morbidly Obese are far far FAR worse than choosing either lap band or surgery. I have always been one who jumps in feet first – dramatic with everything.. I just wish I could talk sensibly about my decision process with someone who actually understood – not a skinny mini who has no idea…( sisters, family….)

The torment is excruitiating.