A year ago I went to a wedding and began to pour out my fears, insecurities and sadness as a reaction to my perception of what I looked like. I'd done years of self development, courses, training and coaching in an attempt to be at peace with the way I looked and was....it never really truly worked. I grew more unhappy and more withdrawn.
Despite having gone to the hairdresser, had money thrown at me by my family to buy whatever I wanted to wear , had the whole beauty treatment done with nails etc, I felt fat, frumpy and very unattractive. I begrudgingly stood in for photos and hid at the back where I could. I escaped much of the reception as I didn't feel comfortable eating or drinking with others, nor did I want to get on the dance floor or talk to anyone. I hid in my room and cried and hated myself and what I was.
I sit here now - a year on - thereabouts in any case. Unbelievably, I have just come back from another wedding. What a complete change and difference. I rock and rolled on the dancefloor with my cousin, I danced by myself and anyone else who would get up there. We line danced, pole danced, barefoot danced, sang and generally made too much noise and had a lot of fun.
Just after midnight, I even contemplated going skinny dipping in the pool... and I hadn't drunk much at all ( a few glasses of champers which had by that time worn off) I was simply high on fun and life.
I can't put a price on that confidence. I know I still have a long way to go....and will be working on this every day. I also know that I would not be in this frame of mind or position if I had just gone down the track of intensive gym membership...
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