Is Lap banding the answer to obesity?

You’re very overweight, probably tried every diet and system there is available and had some success on some – nothing on others. Its come to a hard decision. Your health will be compromised if you stay the way you are.

Would a Lap Band – the purported miracle for obesity - really help in the long run?

In case you have lived under a rock for a few years - a lap band or stomach ring is designed to teach you to eat smaller portions, to eat more slowly and to thoroughly chew your food. Over time, you lose weight as your stomach shrinks and you take in less nutrients. You learn how to feel full on a cup of tea or half a biscuit. One of my concerns surrounds the digestive system. I have a friend who cannot eat any fresh fruit or vegetables as she cannot digest them – they won’t fit through the tight ring she has. What on earth is someones digestive system going to look like after a few weeks of no fibre? How would your overall health be with no fresh antioxidants or nutrients entering your system?

She needs to go back every few weeks to get more saline injected in order to keep the ring tight. No doubt – she has lost over 40 kg is the last year and looks amazing. I hate to admit I think I like my food too much to do this. She cannot eat a normal meal and has a lot of pureed foods on hand – like baby food. I wonder – truly – is this where I want to go or be in order to achieve a shape I am happy with? Perhaps hers is an extreme case – however this surgery is one that is for life.

I have spoken to another lass who lost a similar amount but over a longer period. She eats ‘normal’ food – but it seems from forum posts and speaking to people – that meat eating is out of the window if you get this done. This in itself is not such a huge hassle as I don’t eat a great deal to start with – but its all about choices isn’t it? The other lass I chatted to at length was very proud to say she was still able to eat all the sweet things she could – but fatty foods will make you ill the next day. She said that there are many days you just throw up ( and this is 2 years down the track) I wonder again – is this really retraining your eating habits or just instilling new bad ones?

Both of these ladies – as I listen to them are delighted with their surgery and the results – but there is the underlying hatred of their bodies – that they are being controlled by their bodies and are punished with diarrhea or vomiting if they do the wrong thing. One would argue that if this happens you learn and don’t do it again – but it seems – at least with these two – that you do not.

Having a look at some of the other delightful side effects from lapbanding:
• Hair loss
• Nails flake and break easily ( probably lack of nutrition)
• Unable to swallow even an aspirin – all pills must be crushed
• Constipation ( due to lack of water and fibre)
• Every text I have seen states that the lap band is there for life – its not meant to come out again
• Adjustments every 2 months at least – local anesthetic and needles
• Malabsorption of food ,
• Vomiting and nausea
• vitamin deficiencies,
• chronic abdominal pain
• Osteoporosis
• Ulsers
• gallstones

Having clicked on the links beside some of these I see that they suggest certain medications to counteract these side effects. It all looks so dodgy and dangerous… and they are for life... So by doing this – does this really ‘train you’. Is this really what you need to be doing for the rest of your life?

Reality kicks in with photos

I just don’t get how you can be so skew in the way you feel and the way you look.

I bought a dreamy beautiful gown to go to a wedding yesterday. I got my fingernails and toenails done ( a pure luxury for me) my hair cut and today meticulously did my make up. I felt at least a million dollars and set off to the wedding, thinking I looked fabulous.

Family and formal photos completed - I have the chance via the wonder of digital photos to look at some of the shots - and was horrified to see my bloated face and body dominating the screen.

I am close to tears as I am writing this. I felt so chic and glamorous and then get a glance in photos and all I want to do is lock myself up and never come out.

I have tears running down my face as I type this. I felt so gorgeous only to be smacked around by reality. The thing that gets me the most is that I would describe myself as sensible, grounded and practical – how is it that I can be so wrong and so out of wack with something as important and glaringly obvious as what you LOOK like?

I wonder if I am the only one who ever feels like this – do I have such an ego that it needs to be slapped down like this?

I am unsure if I even want to go back to the wedding breakfast – to face all the others – family members looking gorgeous… and then there are the official photos and the dreaded family shots. I have been pretty good so far at avoiding all of these – being busy with the kids or taking shots myself – so unable to be lined up with everyone else.

Later on………
Sadly for my depressive funk I had to go back to the party – the kids were hungry and being the partner of one of the wedding party I was kind of missed.

I wonder how long I can coop myself up in the house without going out.

Beach Babe

I've been kinda underground at the moment - mentally and spiritually I guess. I feel like such a fake - starting this blog off with all the best intentions of sharing my path to acceptance of my size and looks - and I can't even bear to write about it. I thought I'd better post something - to get me back in the swing of it...

I have just gotten back from a fab beach holiday - chasing the sunshine. I have never owned a bikini and each year wish that I could wear one; look at my flabby white belly and droopy bits and decide to cover up with the hugest t-shirt I can get and stay in the water all day - rushing out to get changed and not bother with the whole sand experience.

I bought myself several pairs of new togs - the new bikini type - but they meet - if you know what I mean.. well - its a step forward into that direction I am thinking. I also have some large floppy hats – very Audrey Hepburn – and several wraps – flimsy whimsical things. And I wore togs all day every day for two weeks. I put chunky jewelry on, lipstick and of course lots of sunscreen, and lay in deckchairs, on hammocks and hung out, drinking cocktails and being glamorous ( in my mind at least) and I don’t care what I actually looked like – I only took a scant few photos while I was there anyway.

The thing was – I felt beautiful; so why destroy the fantasy with a shot from reality?

Being Beautiful

Here's what 42 year-old Halle Berry, new Mom of Nahla (born in March) has to say after being deamed the "Sexiest Woman Alive" by Esquire Magazine....

"Sexiness is a state of mind - a comfortable state of being," she says. "It's about loving yourself in your most unlovable moments."

Without sounding catty or awful, I think its pretty easy to have a sexy state of mind if you have the body of Halle Berry. However taking the essence of her words – I do believe what she says is true. The times I have felt truly beautiful were often bizarre or challenging times and I felt powerful, in control and beautiful. Doing things which are sensual, pampering and treating myself for the sheer glory of beauty, having beautiful things around, fresh flowers or sipping out of a dainty teacup - is when I feel most feminine and luscious.

I do have concerns about the rising amount of Yummy Mummies – with Victoria B as its queen. In case you have lived under a rock – they are the glamorous mums and mums-to-be who shop, lunch and totter their way through pregnancy in sexy very high heeled shoes, proudly displaying their perfect round little bumps like the latest handbag and have those perfect babies who wear matching designer gear. They are never sick, tired or grumpy – but usually have an au-pair or nanny, personal trainer and a cook working for them. – oh and they ‘bounce” back into perfect shape within a few months – while the rest of us are still wearing our 9 month preg gear a year after having our little one.

But coming back to being beautiful – I think its possible – certainly for short moments…. and who knows – if we practice long enough perhaps those moments will last a whole hour! What bliss would that be to be truly beautiful for an hour – where no-one can touch us and our feminine power of lusciousness and sensuality.

The perfect weight.

I have been surfing about the be squillion blogs out there which focus on weight and dieting and it is starting to really depress me. There are many that take photos of the scales as they stand on them – like you have got to be kidding – now way for one am I going near that evil machine – it hates me – and two – it is smart little thing that remembers your weight – and then goes and tiddle tats to your husband who says things like – “I see my assets are growing.” All in a loving and joking manner.. but still highlighting that all in not right in the world.

The irony is that I am happy – well most of the time. I know I am fat, but I am happy and most of the time I think I look ok or even quite nice. I make an effort with makeup and dressing, underwear that matches and even lingerie. I am happy when I don’t think about it or accidentally catch a sidewards glance of myself in the mirror. Then I catch a glimpse of another reality and I sigh wondering how a different life may have been if I was thinner somehow.

I think for people who are overweight the enormity of the task ahead is just so great – so overwhelming that is simply isn’t an option to start. I have lost and gained weight over the years – having been on a diet for over 25 years now – well on and off….. and the crappy thing is when you start to lose weight and are really chuffed at how you are going – some idiot makes a sideways comment – or a well meaning relative says something like – oh you have such a pretty face, it’s a pity you can’t lose weight – and you may have lost heaps already! Makes me just head to the dessert buffet and think sod it – its just not worth the denial, pain, suffering and anxiety of counting calories, ensuring your heartbeat is over a certain level for a certain time and organizing your life around personal trainers and the gym – who are full of know it all skinny wenches in skin tight matching outfits who I am sure are paid to hang out there to make you feel bad about your baggy tshirt and sagging sweatpants. I did go and try and buy some groovy gym gear once – but apparently you can’t get anything remotely fashionable or nice unless you are a size 14 – like – if I was a size 14 I wouldn’t be bothering to go to the gym.. hello?!

So what is the perfect weight? If you're choosing your target number based on a picture of bikini-clad super model taped to your refrigerator door, or on a yellowing photograph of yourself in your wedding dress from three decades ago, your goal-weight expectations might be a tad unrealistic. Times, and "ideal weight" guidelines, have definitely changed. If your notion of what your body size should be is based on what you see on the TV screen or in the pages of fashion magazines, you are definitely dooming yourself to failure. The fact is, most of us don't look like actresses or models, and to attempt to make our bodies match theirs is unnecessarily punishing, if not impossible. They have full time chefs, nannies and personal trainers, live in a bubble of unreality totally detached from mortgages and the rising cost of petrol. Besides – you are a different person now than that idealistic lass in the white frock and supermodels now days are usually 12 years old and very unlikely to be able to spell ‘birth” much less done it.

Sigh…. All the reading I do keeps harping on about how you feel within yourself is the best weight. Maybe if I banned any reflective surface I might be ok with this?

A little Nip and Tuck

A good friend of mine had the lap band operation a number of months ago. She has lost nearly 30kg and I have got to say – she looks amazing. She sheepishly came over the other day bearing gifts of her old ‘fat clothes’. She said she wasn’t going to give them to me but at the last moment brought them over – she didn’t want me to feel bad.

I nearly chocked laughing. First – wow – what a gift to be given a huge amount of her clothes – all really nice stuff and in MY SIZE!!! Whoo hoooo! and secondly – what sort of message is her fear? That she didn’t want to admit to me that I was fat? Umm I kinda know – I have a mirror.. that she is now better than me? Again – negative – she is doing her thing and I am so supportive and delighted for her.

I was so happy going through the large bag of clothes – I have never been much of a clothes horse myself – I hve always been a bigger person – and have always struggled to find anything that fits. Going to a charity store is the highlight for me – and I have become handy with creative alterations. This has given me fairly low range of colour and fashion choices – so I tend to hang out in black – which was good when I went through my gothic phase. Now I just look like an Italian widow.

I now own ( count them) 7 pairs of jeans.. wow – I have only ever had at most 2! She has a great style – very romantic and medieval – so that really suits my style too – I am loving the flowing tops with long droopy sleeve look.

Its all been about lack for me- I don’t spend money on myself or to buy clothes and worry and fret if I have to go and buy new underwear! I don’t tend to have many new clothes in my wardrobe and if I can admit this – I have some things in there that are 20 years old ( humm – might be back in fashion again!)

Anyway – getting back to my friend – She was very sensible about the whole operation and did a lot of research on it. She is aware that this is a life time commitment and he can never eat food again – not drink a lot of fluids at one time ( so out goes cocktail nights and drinking sessions) She is able to eat only mushed up foods – like baby food and only a very small amount of it.

I do actually long to lose weight – so that I too can walk proudly into any store and grab something off the rack, try it on and it fits! I don’t know if I would be prepared to go to this length though. I have to admit that I like eating, I love the taste, the feel and sensation of food. Though again – in saying that – I am sensible with my choices of food – no junk food, little processed stuff; all organic fruits and veges and good variety of proteins other than meat. I have to admit that it’s the quantity. Is this operation the one for me then? Would it really help me?

This girlfriend is planning to go to Thailand to get her bits nipped and tucked. With so much weight loss, she is complaining that all her bits are saggy. I started to look into websites and companies who offer this service – firstly out of curiosity then as a bit of a mission. The cost of some of these cosmetic surgeries is over half what it is in Australia – and that is with your accommodation as well! We aren’t talking shabby rooms either – 5 star resorts where you just hang out to recuperate and heal before you get on a plane back to home and work or family.

I haven’t had a specific quote for me done – but I am seriously thinking about it – I mean – just get the quote – at least I’d know then. To dream perhaps. To work a way to earn or generate that cash. Is it ok to get surgery done? I don’t even think I care if I have scars everywhere afterwards – how bad is that? What if I went and they said – sorry you are too fat to have surgery? How bad would that be?

Its been a big barrier for me – my weight – an insurmountable wall I cannot seem to break through, climb over or dissolve. Its one thing to say – I am fine with where I am, but another thing to think there is a glimmer of looking normal, of fitting in of being proud of my figure and of seeing the look on your partners eyes.

I am ‘fine’ with were I am at the moment – really – most days I don’t think about what might be or what I could be if I were skinnier. With every challenge I jump boots and all and don’t allow much to stand in my way. There are other days that I just hid in the house and plan to stay there forever – I am so disgusted with my appearance. It’s the momentary glimpses into the mirror that take me by surprise – the ones where you cannot believe that it is you staring back at you – ugly, fat and completely unnnatractive. It is these days that the credit card needs to be hidden and the brochures from Thailand be stored in a far away place.

Yeah – you are right.. I’m not ‘fine’.

I'm a Barbie Girl

This is from an ad campagn run by the Body Shop. cool huh?

I am not a big fan of Barbies. I know – they are only the worlds most popular doll. Though I have to admit - my loathing for her has been replaced by those dreadful tweeny dolls the Bratz. Someone gave my daughter ( aged 3) one of them.. It sadly got lost – packaging and all as soon as the party was over.

Coming back to Barbie though – she has been the icon for girls for nearly 50 years – it still doesn’t make her right – but its interesting to see what started her off…

So heres a bit of history about Barbie. She was based on a European sex doll called Lilli. The Bild Lilli Doll was a German fashion doll produced from 1955 to 1964, based on the comic-strip character Lilli.. She was originally marketed to adults in bars and tobacco shops as a joke or gag gift. Many parents considered her not appropriate for children – so the Lilli doll didn’t make it big in Europe.

Ruth Handler – the wife of the president of Mattel in the 50s one bought some of the Lilli dolls when she was on a trip to Europe and then reworked the design of the doll and re-named her Barbie. At the time there were only baby dolls for children to play with and she had noticed that her daughter was role playing games with her dolls in adult settings – i.e shopping, cooking parties – so believed that their aught to be a doll that could handle this social pressure!

Lilli the cartoon - was post-war, sassy and ambitious and had no reservations talking about sex. As she had her own job she earned her own money as a secretary but wasn't above hanging out with rich men ("I could do without balding old men but my budget couldn't!"). The cartoon always consisted of a picture of Lilli talking to girlfriends, boyfriends, her boss ("As you were angry when I was late this morning I will leave the office at five p.m. sharp!"). The quips underneath the cartoons handled topics ranging from fashion (to a policeman who told her that two-piece-swimsuits are banned: "Which piece do you want me to take off?"), politics ("Of course I'm interested in politics; no one should ignore the way some politicians dress!") and even the beauty of nature ("The sunrise is so beautiful that I always stay late at the nightclub to see it!"). She was always very well dressed and discreet and became a fashion doll.

Deep dark secret here – I was always envious of my cousin who at that time owned every Barbie and accessory that had been produced. We are talking ummm 30 years ago ( a bit more maybe?) – but it still amounted to a very impressive bedroom full of Barbie dolls.

Which brings me to where I actually wanted to go from the start. My daughter – 3 – now owns several Barbies – given to her or somehow bred in the depths of depravity in her lower bunk… we were sitting at the shopping centre today and some teenage girls walked past. Little darling chimes up –“ look mummy – three Barbie dolls – but they are real!”

I can’t deny that she loves those dolls and spends hours dressing and undressing, role playing and carrying them round. My concern – and I am sure that it echos many parents – is that her expectations of body image as she grows into a woman. If Barbie was a real size she would have a 40" bust, a 22" waist and 36" hips. Her neck is TWICE the length of a normal human's neck! I can only think of one woman with a neck that long and it was natural – and of course it was the gorgeous Audrey Hepburn.

And of course secretly – thinking I am doing my daughter a disservice as I am not a Barbie – no groovy tight fitting clothes or mini skirts here – def not a ‘yummy mummy”. I don’t want my bad body image to rub off on her – to have her have all my hang ups. Urgg… My son is so sweet and loves to give me cuddles and wraps his arms around my tummy – saying I love your fat tummy mummy.. errrmm.. well what does one say to that?

Thanks…I guess...