I had some counseling on Tuesday and have had a bunch of things to think about since then.
One very strong thing I have taken away from my time was the reframe on the surgery. For me its not an end all and be all solution - its the start of a journey. I have done so much and I need help to get me to the next level. I need to physically change before i can take that step.
The surgery is a journey for me - like shamanistic ceremonies where there is firewalking, or drawing of blood, sweat tents etc. my body needs proof and symbols to reinforce that it is undergoing permanent change...
Going under anesthetic each time will allow my body to journey deep inside, to uncover the last corners and to bring back some answers for my conscious self.
Today I am feeling at peace with it all. just wish it were sooner.. the waiting now is killing me.
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