False Expectations Appearing Real.....as much as I am saying those false expectations are nothing but fantasies in my head.... I have VERY good imagination and I am shaking and feel sick..
I go from being so confident and feeling great about this surgery and feeling like I about to die, wondering what will happen to my family because I was so selfish and risked my life in this way.
One of the worst things about it is that I have very few people to share this sick grinding fear with.
My hubby is so supportive and wants me just to be happy, but I can't forget the tears he has shed or the fears he holds because he cannot be with me.
One of my closest friends has completely shut me out of her life and is on a journey of her own. She done nothing but be consistent with her values and demonstrated the way she does friendship - so its not up to me to judge that. It is what it is. Its just not the way I value things nor is it the way I prefer to conduct friendship. I think its just harder right now because I really need a girlfriend to confide in - to cry and fall apart with. I am having a bit of a pity party about it all - but need to suck it up - she has done nothing inconsistent with they way she has always lived her life. Its just right now I need her first real time I really need her to be there.. and shes not.
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