What got me started

You’d have to be living under a rock not to have been exposed to TV reality shows like the biggest loser or extreme makeover. I can’t say that I have ever actually watched these in entirety – perhaps a few snatches here and there – but then I don’t watch a lot of TV in anycase.

I’d seen some articles about lipo and cosmetic surgery – looked at it on the internet – but the price from the local surgeries really scared me off. Sometime last year I saw an article on surgeries oversees. I looked up the company and just for fun – got a quote on a few things. We kept in contact but I never really thought about going ahead with it.

Having weeks off away from the family and the cost – even though it was half the price – really put me in my place. I felt I was not worth it. Last year one of my good friends had the lap band surgery and really hadn’t looked back – she really is half the size she used to be. However – talking to her and being with her made me realsie that I couldn’t follow the lifestyle that is required to keep this up. The thing that did it for me was no fruit or veges raw as they can’t go down the tiny hole. I love my apples and carrots, just munching them straight from the fridge and to think I couldn’t do that.. eeekkkkk can anyone say colon cancer?

Just after Xmas, one of my sisters – stick thin as she is – never had a weight issue ; as lovingingly as she could, cornered me at the washing up pile and said she wanted to pay for help for me to get rid of my weight issues. It was then a bit of a relief to actually talk to her about some of the options I had found. We then got on a conference call with another sister who also committed money to put in for help.

I then had no objections as far as the cost went – and a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders – I researched in earnest for the best options. Dieticians, phyc help

For lots of reasons I have discussed before, surgery was the best for me. After presenting this to them, I was told flat that they were not going to pay for this – that they would only pay for the lapband surgery. This really sucked the wind out of my sails. I was so buoyant and free before this – feeling I was doing something that would make a huge difference to me and then the rug pulled unceremoniously from under my feet.

However – people who want to rescue you only do it for themselves – under their terms and I was not going to be bullied or convinced to do something that in my heart I knew was not right for me. It really hurt and I cried for days about it. Just when I thought my sisters truly understood me and ‘got’ me – only to realize that they had no idea.

But then its pretty difficult to understand a physicality you have never experienced yourself. Being this overweight is not like carrying a few pounds you hide under a big shirt . Its all pervasive. It defines you and people judge and pervieve your character before they even meet you – simply on the way you look.

How could I get the message across to someone who has never worn something larger than a size 12 what its like to never go into a normal clothing store – because there simply is nothing you can buy, what its like to have a loaded credit card – desperate to buy something – anything to wear to a special event and not find – literally a thing to wear, what its like to find something that does fit – and you just buy it – even though it’s the wrong colour and style for you – but simply because it fits?

You can’t and for that reason I forgive them. They see the lap band as the right way – the safe way. I’ve gone into all the dangers it entails and even if half is true and not prepared to put my body through that – even if someone else pays for it.

This is on my terms. I just wish they could understand how important it is for me.